Do people change?

Another case of “Yes, and”

Hello, friends,

In my quest for greater acceptance, I spend a lot of time reminding myself that I can't control other people—not what they think, feel, or do. In many ways, I believe that people stay pretty true over time to how I know them to be. I certainly believe no one can make someone else change, so I find it helpful for my peace of mind to assume that people won't change.

And yet, I also firmly believe that people are capable of significant transformation. I know people change—when they want to, and typically only after putting in some serious work.

This weekend was another regatta, and it was a good bit more intense than the last—2 days instead of 1, a 6-hour drive instead of 2 (the furthest I'd ever driven on my own), and since I purchased gear after the Cincinnati regatta, this time I'd have a wagon and a tent to manage on top of the rest, plus all the same uncertainty with parking, race times, and weather.

Elise had 2 races Saturday morning. At one point when I was walking from my tent toward the boats to watch them launch, I had a moment. A good moment. I thought, “Who am I?” Because the me from, say, 4 years ago would be amazed by this woman.

All week leading up to the regatta, I was calm. I practiced expanding and collapsing the wagon once. I read the instructions for the tent and trusted that if I had any trouble pitching it, I would ask another parent for help and it would be fine. After practice Thursday night (which ran 45 minutes late), I drove without a plan, content to stop and find a hotel when it felt right. Elise and I took our time Friday, structuring the rest of our drive around a Starbucks stop and a bookstore we found on the map that was along the way. Whimsy's Books ended up being such a delightful detour that we're now planning to make it a Dogwood tradition, assuming we come to this regatta again in the future.

A magical bookstore, with a CD player and CDs that I found charming

On Saturday, I got a delicious chai latte from a coffee truck on site that I enjoyed while watching the goings-on. Predictably, I got a little teary as Elise did their thing. Even when it rained, I rolled with it, sitting in my tent and writing this by hand with a pencil and notebook while Elise and a friend watched a movie on their phone. I couldn't have been more “go with the flow,” and it couldn't have been better.

In case it isn't super obvious from previous posts, I am not a “go with the flow” kind of person. Or at least, I didn't used to be. Maybe I am now. I'm clearly much more that way than I used to be.

So yes, people change. I imagine sometimes change comes abruptly as a result of a sudden, dramatic event. But in my experience, it's a result of a desire to change coupled with intentional, sustained effort. In this case, my daily practices of naming 5 things that are changing, 5 things I can't control, and 5 things I'm choosing to accept; of being present; and of meditating in various ways.

Some things don't change—I still needed some downtime during the regatta when I could read or write and not socialize. And I'm sure I'll need a day or two of quiet and relaxation after such a busy (and loud—so many air horns and bells! 😄) weekend. That's okay. I did and will take care of myself, and that didn't take anything away from the regatta.

A year+ ago, I chose 3 words to set as my intentions for 2025. One was peace (along with joy and love). Most of the work I've done since has been to prioritize and/or foster my own peace, and it is tremendously gratifying to see that work paying off. Feeling peaceful is far preferable to feeling stressed and anxious, but even more important, this easygoing attitude allows me to embrace this passion of Elise's, so I can share fully in something that brings them such joy.

Warmly,

Brie

P.S. In what ways have you changed?